This Is The Future.

Despite J being in the hospital, and the family being quite glum, this Christmas did not feel lonely at all. That's a definite first in a couple of years, and I'm really happy about that. I used to love Christmas, because it meant everyone coming home and that usually meant the cute boys would come back from overseas. When I left home, Christmases just started getting lonely, because coming home meant leaving again. No matter how much you loved being home, there was nothing to get attached to because you had to leave it behind. It was sad, because I'd always wanted to have someone special at this time of year.

Funnily enough, all my relationships come to an end before Christmas comes along. My first boyfriend and I broke up during Christmas too. It was a string of heartbreaks after then, and it always made me wonder if I'd ever find someone to share this holiday with. This year, as expected, it didn't last until Christmas, and I'm completely single again. But you know what? This time, it's okay.

I've never felt more loved.
By family, friends and the few special men in my life.
You guys know who you are.
;)

So Merry Christmas, my lovelies.
I hope you're all feeling the same joy.

Rainbow Veins.

It's the bop of a head,
The bang of a bass,
The sound so electric,
That pumped in this place,
The push turned to shove,
And the bop turned to beat,
The sound of your sex,
Took over my feet.

I danced for hours to the sound of twilight,
But all I could think about was you.

"Your sex is on fire".

In that crowd of thump and lights,
I wished I was in your arms.

***

I'm back home, and it's amazing. I have the slightest inkling of not wanting to go back to KL, but this time I gotta finish what I started. The fear of going insane is getting to me, it's what the big city does to you. I need an anchor. I need someone to come home to. I need someone to make it all worth my while. Until then, I'll still have my "kids", my "husbands" and my nights at TAG.

My favourite kids, Li and Sam. <3

Minus my wife, Jon.

Doesn't matter,

He's a little slut anyway.

Haha.

Yes, I said wife.

Believe.

The strangest thing about this trip was that I got what I thought I wanted, but realised it was just a way to get over it and look out for better things. This time, I'm not the one who has to deal with the consequences, but I got to reap the benefits. It feels sweet to finally be cut a fucking break. I think I've gone through enough. I think it was more than enough. Now all I need to really do is take it all in and enjoy every single moment.

If only you knew the things that would tear you apart. They would hurt you. It would serve you right. Sadly, I find no pleasure in wanting to destroy anything anymore. I got my closure. I got all I wanted out of it. I guess this means I'm done. Hmmm. From the looks of it, you have a rocky path ahead and I can't say I feel sorry for you.

Oh well.
A chapter closed, but I know my battle's won.
:)