We Are All Made Of Stars.

Perhaps it is a little silly, but I tend to judge a person's character based on their star signs. I find most personality readings online are scarily accurate, or.. I am really a Virgo to the 'T'. I used to be told that Astrology is nonsense, but lately I've been finding it to be very true.

I read recently on another person's blog, the profile of a Virgo in love, and I swear it was written with me in mind. It takes me a long time to shake off my distrust when I am lied to, and deceit causes me to turn into a vicious, vicious creature. I need to be a part of a person's life completely if I'm at that level of closeness. I will pretty much let my partner do whatever the hell he pleases if I trust him. Also, I need to feel needed in order to function as someone in another person's life. That I choose very few to love, and those select few get my all as long as I know they need me. Intense, I know. But most Virgos I know are very intense people anyway. 

This is perhaps the most boring post I've written in a while.

Hurrah.

Read My Mind.

I was reading some sites this morning, doing some brief scans on the next chapters of my social psychology syllabus, when I came across an article on the power of suggestion. Saying something that gets someone to do something you want, by merely pointing out the possible consequence of if they don't. 

It's the classic case of  

"I'm not saying that it will happen, but like.. what if, you know? Just saying."

It speaks of the power of the mind and how everything you do is powered by your belief and that things happen for you because you have the tendency to do what your mind believes in. The psychology behind optimism is that you view a situation no matter how bad it is, and pick out the good from it and work from there. Perhaps I am too realistic and need to adopt a little smidgen of optimism. I need to start telling myself that everything will turn out great, and things will follow suit.

"Remember belief is only a thought in your mind. You have the power to choose your own thoughts and therefore decide what you believe."

I particularly liked the phrase above because it shows, we are not enslaved to our emotions and actions, because thoughts always come before actions and emotions and we hold in ourselves the power to determine what we believe is our fate and what we believe we are meant for. 

Come to think about it, I have managed to get everything I want by convincing myself that I will get them. Even when it's extremely far fetched and out of reach. Perhaps I should stop underestimating the power of my own mind, and start making things happen for myself.

Just keep believing.

Go On Girl.

Sometimes, it's not you or the other person who can mess something up this bad.

I'm sorry, sweetheart.

But this is beyond my capabilities.

I really don't know what to do anymore.

Just be happy that it was as great as it was.

Chasing Pavements.

Taken from my notes on facebook.

It's been awhile since I've posted there,

But I guess my blog needs an update too.

Here goes:

We often fall in love with our own online personas. It is the person we wish we were all the time, and the person we want people to believe we are. Why else would we put up only the best pictures of ourselves, why else would we tire endlessly on writing an "about me" that we put more thought into, than any other thing we write?  

We make ourselves believe that as real our lives online appear to be, it is not the complete us. A bad hair day lasts only for a day, and we laugh about it for a day. A bad picture lasts as long as you don't delete it, and we can laugh about it for months.  

So what happens when the best of two online personas fall in love? They fall in love with the best parts of each other. But what about the worst? You can tell a person of all your mistakes, you can tell a person of all your flaws, you can tell a person of all your weaknesses, but they will never be real to them until they experience them for themselves. Because, if you only hear of these mistakes, flaws and weaknesses, you tell yourself that they're okay, that everyone has them. and you justify yourself being a good and understanding person. But if that is so, why do we hate others we know in real life for their mistakes, flaws and weaknesses? why do we not overlook these as just human?  

Because we have to live with them. because they are the mistakes, flaws and weaknesses that rub us in the face. They are the factors of humanity that we have to deal with without choice and in reality, we are not as good people as we want others to believe. 

That's when things begin to fall apart. we read about the bad, but what do we really know about it until we truly experience it?  

You are my hurt reality, and I live with this pain everyday, still choosing to be here for you despite it all but even this makes no difference, because even though you liked the best of me, you chose not to love the rest of me.  

I pray that one day I will understand what this is you're doing.

Unbreakable.

I read somewhere that people find the need to shout when they argue, because when people argue, their hearts distance from each other and they shout to make up for that distance, even when the other person's nearby. 

But beyond the anger, when love comes in, hearts draw closer. So the more you love, the closer your hearts get. It gets to a point where you need nothing but a simple touch to say what you need to say. 

My heart is tired of trying to speak to yours. They don't even speak in the same language anymore.

I really wish I knew what to do.

But I'm tired of always trying to find the answer.

Heartbeats.

I've been thinking back on a time, where I wanted so much to be yours. Now you're back knocking on my door, but I just cannot bring myself to let you in. I think about how happy I was with you, I think about how great we were together and how far we could be by now.

But I just can't do it.

It feels like such a waste, but why did it take you so long to come around? Why now when I have already shut you out completely? We could have been happy together. You knew it in the back of your mind, that I was all that you needed to be happy, yet you were never content. You were always looking for, not necessarily better things, but just.. more things. 

Is it the curse of Gemini men to never be happy with what they live with, and always want the things that are out of reach? Is it because I am out of reach now that you have come back?

This is not a game, I am not a pawn.

Now please, just give up.

I cannot endure another heartbreak from you.

Spazz.

I loved you deeply,

And I guess in a way,

I always will.

Thinking about you today just saddened me.

Because we could've been great together.

If only you did just that bit of growing up,

We could be happy by now.

I miss you,

But it's too late for these feelings now.

I'm never going back.

Bandages.

For people who think so highly of themselves, this sure is extremely high school behaviour. Banding together against one person, just because one of your friends doesn't like them. When did this have anything to do with you in the first place?

Very mature, indeed. 

Why are you and your friends so affected by my opinion anyway? What you said was listed in a public domain, and regardless of who I am, my opinion is still just an opinion on the web. Do you take it to heart because you know there is truth in what I've said? If none of what I said was true, wouldn't the mature thing to do be just to turn the cheek and disregard it?

For people who emphasize so much on age and maturity, you're definitely not very far ahead of me in terms of either. 

If you want to win so badly, go ahead.   

I'm picking my battles, and frankly,

This one isn't worth it.

Virtual Insanity.

If you know what's good for you,

You'll back the fuck off.

Maturity is not about whether or not you vent your emotions, it's how you handle the repercussions. And.. hmm. I hope you're mature enough to accept, that I don't give a fuck what you think, because you have no clue. 

Heartless.

I sat and stared at this for the longest time.

Would I ever be ready to delete you?

No.

Is it necessary?

Unfortunately, yes.

I took my deep breaths, because one simply would not do. I clenched your bracelet in my hand and watched your name disappear from my list. How convenient technology's made it to erase someone from your life. In a matter of seconds, poof. You're gone.

I wonder how long it will be before I stop searching for your name whenever I log on. I still scroll to 'J' whenever I open up my contact list, because you're the first person I want to tell all my thoughts to. 

But right now I don't trust you.

So you don't deserve to be the first anymore.

I can't keep fighting with you.

I don't want to end up hating you.

29 days and counting.

All I hope for is not to have went through this all for nothing.

I will never understand how we let everything get this way when there was never anything wrong with us before. We used to never fight, and that's all we seem to do these days and I know I always start it because I can't let myself trust you. 

Will we ever be the same again?

Is it too late to fix us?

I always think of you when I listen to this song.

Take this sinking boat and point it home,

We've still got time.

Raise your hopeful voice, You have a choice,

You've made it known.

Falling slowly, sing your melody,

I'll sing along.

All we have is time,

And only time will tell.