Tuesday 3 November 2009

Don't Speak.

Every man I have ever loved has disappointed me. My father, my grandfather, my stepfather, and every boy I've ever dated up 'til this day. Girls, you think the church boys won't hurt you? They fuck you up the most. All I've ever dated were boys raised as Christians, and they turn out worse than the next. These are the men you expect to be the ones who are stable enough to look after you, because they'd know to do things right. But you know what? They fuck up too and it's worse because you don't expect it from them.

I'm beginning to lose faith in men. I don't know why I want to believe that it will get better for me when all the ones I've ever met have only hurt me. I don't want to give up on people, but I feel this time I've really got no choice. This was the last straw.

1 comment:

lennie... said...

don't give up on finding the one who'd be best suited for u. someone who'd truly cherish u. someone who would make 'protecting your feelings' an honest priority. someone who would sincerely promise (not just by words, but with action) to never put you through such pain; especially considering your past.

such guy exist, and he'll come to u when u're ready to let him in your life. (meaning, when things are less complicated and there are no reasons to drive him away from the get go)

and as cliche as this sounds, u know that line they say..? when one door closes, another opens? and don't forget the next part... "often times, you look too long at that closed door, u don't see the one that is opened for u"... i thought that's the best bit.

so hang in there. u're a fighter. not for the unworthy things... but for yourself. im not going to say "u deserve better" (cuz i dont wanna involve anyone else) but honestly, you deserve to at least be at a better position in your life. u're at a good age, with a good head on your shoulders. some things just aren't worth it (at least not now)... and who knows? maybe without those things holding u back, u can achieve much more. also, letting those things go make u a nicer person too... cuz u'd be less angry and depressed. mean thoughts can be so poisonous sometimes...

okay. i've said enough. sorry if i said anything wrong. i truly didn't mean for any of this to be hurtful or for it to come across as "i know better"... i'm just telling u what i would sincerely tell a friend in the same situation.

good luck anyway... and don't let yourself fall apart.