Playing God.

A talk with a great friend brought me some new perspective to my situation. The heart wants what it wants. No matter what is said or what is done, the heart will come to its revelations only in its own time. There's no use forcing or fighting because you will never change it. That is why the heart is always stronger than the mind. The people who think with it are the hardest to sway. The heart is hurt easier than the mind, therefore you cannot argue with it. The heart thinks with no logic but with emotion. Speaking to a heart with rationale will never get you anywhere.

There's always factors that change things, but you cannot force them but just let them happen. Being the absolute control freak that I am, this idea scares the hell out of me and because I know I'm holding on by a thread, I pull more violently, even though it seems that I fail to see that a thin thread breaks easier, so I should stop pulling and leave it be.

Maybe I don't always have to do things my way. It's usually when I stop trying to do it my way that reality kicks in, and the things that I wanted to happen.. just happen. I'm just afraid that it will be too late. For someone like me, I know what too late means. This fear is not something that should keep me from living my life. I cannot keep doing this anymore. I need to let go and let whatever will happen.. just happen.

There will be bad days and there will be good days, but if this is a chance to gain back strength and independence, it'll be stupid not to go for it. Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional. There will be days where I feel absolutely broken, but I will not let my feelings break me. It's time to rise above again.