Holding Out For A Hero.

Should he be older or younger?
- I like my men older, but age is just a number baybeh.

What kind of personality should he have?
- I'd be happy if he had any personality at all. I mean, seriously. Have you met people recently?!

Should he be honest or tight lipped?
- Don't ever lie to me. The outcome is never pretty.

Should he be serious or carefree?
- Carefree! We're too young to be serious right now.

Should he be spontaneous or hesitant?
- Spontaneity rocks my socks.

Should he be good looking or intelligent?
- Either, as long as he's sexy. He has gotta be sexy. Like.. "HOLY SHIT I WANT TO RIP YOUR SHIRT OFF WITH MY TEETH!" sexy.

Which film actor should he be like?
- Johnny Knoxville. Hahaha. No, seriously. Or Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark. Or Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne!

Which singer should they be like?
-  The guy from The TingTings.

Should he make all the money?
- Yeah, for me to spend.

Should he do desk job or physical labour?
- Neither of these makes you a billionaire. *cough*

Do he need to cook?
- It's nice if he could, but if he can't, we'll just hire someone.

Should he bring you to a restaurant or for movies?
- I like food.

What is his best body part?
- Back.. and.. chest. *shudders*

What body part do you not care about?
- Everything needs to be taken into consideration. Don't want something defective now, right?

What hair colour should he have?
- I like 'em dark haired.

How tall should he be?
- He's gotta be taller than me when I wear heels. But, I can let this part slide if he's not insecure. Hahahaha.

What should he weigh?
- Don't care. Whatever's right, I guess.

What car should he drive?
- Something pretty and fast.

What one thing turns you on?
- Guys that smell good. Fuhhh.

What one thing turns you off?
- CLINGYNESS. yeesh.

***

As you can tell,

I am bored out of my mind.

And also listening to Bleeding Love.

Which makes my existence.. that bit more boring.

Sigh.

But I am happy,

I'm FINALLY free from all the drama.

:)

I haven't been this happy in awhile.

Save Us.

It's amazing the people you meet.

Friends that you had to speak to every single day.

Ones that you didn't think you could live without.

Utter inseparability.

Nothing could have possibly been too big or bad to overcome.

Deciding that this was the person you wished you had met sooner.

Yet things don't seem to stay fine.

Over and over again you find things to argue about.

Until it just feels like the other person's a complete stranger.

Now I just don't know what I feel about it.

Of course it hurt at first.

Why wouldn't it?

I just can't feel anything anymore.

Maybe it's just been too much.

Lately I've just been wondering.

Orchestrating situations in my mind.

Situations that I do not ever hope to come true.

I can't help but realise, though.

Never could I give the best of me.

Give the best that anyone deserved.

You mean more to me than you know.

Only if you knew. 

Understanding me wouldn't be so hard.

..

I don't feel anything anymore.

I've already tried everything I could.

I already poured my heart out.

Nothing seems to be getting better.

I'm out of ideas.

It's up to you to save us.

If you even care enough to.

Breathe In.

I don't understand people who do not understand how to keep to plans.

It is utterly disrespectful towards another person's time.

I understand when plans need to be cancelled or when plans need to be changed,

I am extremely understanding.

But don't fucking cancel on me 10 minutes before the time we're supposed to meet.

Don't make plans if you're not gonna bother remembering them.

That may be how you just are,

But it's not an excuse to give me that sort of shit.

If plans with me aren't even worth remembering,

Then please. 

Just don't.

I just don't fucking get people anymore.

Summertime.

Every blog needs a filler, and because I got "tagged". 

Well, I did promise the dirty truth.

Bear with me.

It could get emotional.

10 Years Ago, I...
1. Was 9 years old.
2. Learnt the reality of mortality.
3. Was let down by someone who was supposed to be my father.
4. Stood by my mom at a difficult time.
5. Was totally unfazed by suicide.


5 Years Ago, I...
1. Was 14.
2. Decided to switch high schools the following year.
3. Was friends with people I hardly speak to now. I wish I did.
4. Went to a friend's funeral.
5. Cried. Because I realised how hard it was to say goodbye.


3 Years Ago, I...
1. Was 16.
2. Met someone I fell in love with.
3. Got my first tattoo.
4. Bonded with my classmates. LL4L.
5. Was happy with my life.


A Year Ago, I...
1. Was 18.
2. Picked up my life and shifted it to KL. A decision I made in 1 day.
3. Learnt to let go.
4. Found out that I wasn't as strong as I thought.
5. Healed a broken heart.


So Far This Year, I...
1. Rekindled friendships that I can't imagine living without.
2. Met someone I wished I could have met earlier.
3. Fell in love with life.
4. Am one step closer to knowing who I am.
5. Am comfortable in my own skin, but know there's much improvement needed.

Yesterday, I....
1. Had a blast.
2. Drank sprite and mango rum.
3. Sang at the top of my lungs to any song that came to mind.
4. Laughed until I had a coughing fit.
5. Decided what I want for my future.

Today, I ....
1. Woke up at 11am.
2. Waited for someone to call.
3. Called him instead.
4. Made lunch plans.
5. Am going to be happy.

Tomorrow I will...
1. Party my gargantuan ass off.
2. Drink my worries away.
3. Disregard that it's my last night here.
4. Hug someone.
5. Try not to cry.

Real Name: Nadia.
Nickname: Juggernaut!
Married: Nope.
Male/Female: Female.
High school: Seri Insan, Maktab Nasional.
College: Taylor's College, Sunway College.
Are You A Healthy Freak?: No.
Do You Have A Crush On Someone?: I'd like to think I don't do crushes.
Do You Like Yourself?: It depends.

First..
Surgery: What kind of question is this?
Person You See In The Morning: Myself.
Award: I don't remember.
Sport You Joined: ME? SPORTS?
Vacation: America. 
Drink: Whiskey and water, please.

I’m About To: Eat a Dorayaki.

Your future..
Want Kids: Adopted ones?
Want To Get Married: Yeah, if he's really rich and worships the ground I walk on.
Careers In Mind: Multifreakin' billionaire.

Which is better?
Lips Or Eyes?: Lips.
Hugs Or Kisses?: Hugs.
Shorter Or Taller?: Taller.
Romantic Or Spontaneous?: .. Realistic.
Sensitive Or Loud?: I like them loud.
Troublemaker Or Hesitant?: Troublemaker!

Have you ever..
Kissed A Stranger?: No. Wait. Maybe?
Drank Bubbles: Ew. No.
Lost Glasses / Contacts: Yes.
Ran Away From Home: Not.. really.
Liked Someone Younger: Nope.
Broke someone’s heart: I guess.
Been arrested: Nope.
Cried when someone died: Yup.

Do you believe in..
Yourself: I don't know.
Miracles: I don't know.
Magic: I want to.
Angels: I don't know.

Answer truthfully..
Is There Someone You Want To Be With Right Now?: Definitely.

Somewhere Over The Rainbow.

There's this glamour and beauty that old Hollywood has. 

Long before the days of Lindsay Lohan and E!

You had Audrey Hepburn, Marilyn Monroe, Judy Garland.

I'm in one of my spells of depression right now.

I'm overwhelmed by these emotions that I just didn't think I had.

Listening to Judy Garland sing "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas",

Was just absolutely heart wrenching. 

I always cry when I hear her sing that song in 'Meet Me in St. Louis'.

There's just something about her voice.

But it got me to thinking,

When did old Hollywood die out and get replaced by the hollow mess that it is now?

Of course it's about entertainment and.. of course the stuff now is entertaining.

But to think with advancement in movie making tech,

They'd be able to churn out better things than like..

Superhero Movie.

Everything about this life has dwindled to this meaningless heap of superficiality.

It's sad to think that now people are more impressed if you lose 50 pounds,

Than if you win the nobel prize. 

What's wrong with the world today?

I guess it's only us that we have to blame.

Stay.

They say imitation is the greatest form of flattery.

I say get your own personality.

Look,

Who do you think you're kidding?

People clearly see that you're typing your comments like me,

Blogging trying to sound like me.

Step off, alright?

I do not want to be associated with people like you.

Just because we had a past,

Does not mean a present or future is necessary.

As far as I'm concerned,

We're not friends.

I'd like to keep it that way, thanks.

Trying to be more like me,

Won't make you more interesting.

Star Mile.

"If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." 

- Marilyn Monroe

I couldn't agree more.

I feel absolutely shit today. My throat is itching and my eyes are watery. My nose is blocked and I just can't breathe properly. My head has hurt all day and I spent most of my time in bed. Is it too much to ask to just have someone to make me feel happy or to be happy with?

Sure you're going through your problems, and you know that I'm always here for you. But maybe this time I need you to be there for me. Did you ever consider that? I'm just mentally and physically exhausted but I have to put up this happy and sarcastic front so nobody knows what's going on inside my head. You say you can't live like this? 

Well neither can I.

I've listened to so many people over and over again, telling me about how they feel, telling me about all their problems and I am just out of answers. I just need someone to be here and be happy with me. I'm tired of hearing about how things suck. Why don't you for once share your happiness with me? Then at least I can feel something other than concern and worry.

So what if I act out from time to time? 

Deal with it.

If you can't, then to hell with this.

You don't deserve the best of me.

That's Not My Name.

I always get what I want.

This time though, I'm not sure what or who it is.

That makes life kinda.. well.

Difficult.

I need my dose of pseudoephedrine and sleep.

Say.

Do you think you can find it,

Better than you have it?

I don't know what I'm looking for. 

But I'm sure it's something.

This emptiness is starting to become overwhelming.

It feels like something is lost, but you just don't know what.

I have a suspicion that it's nothing that I lost.

It's someone.

It's me.

I don't know who I am anymore.

It annoys me that I'm troubled by this.

I mean, can my life get any better than it is now?

Could I even ask for more?

This world just isn't enough.