In The Waiting Line.

Very rarely do I find the need to attack another person, lest they step into what I think is my territory or if they mess with something that is mine. It just angers me how people just don't know their limits. Is it complete bitchiness or pure stupid optimism that they think they can get away with it? I have no idea. I am territorial and extremely protective. You, my dear, are a pariah housecat to my lionness. While it's adorable how you try, your attempts at being classy fall a little short of even Hannah Montana chic. Your fashion sense is so 2001 it's not even funny. Honestly, has anyone even worn what you've been wearing since I was 12? It's not cool to look like a pre-teen when you're in your early 20's.

Tsk.

Seriously. Back the fuck up to wherever you came from. If you attempt to cross me again, I will seriously not hesitate to beat the fucking shit out of you, do not even try me. You do not know me or what I am capable of.

That's all.

These Walls.

When I was younger, I'd always ask for things. Sometimes I get them, sometimes I don't and sometimes I'm told that it's not the right time- and that I needed to wait. So of course, at that moment I wouldn't understand and I'd throw the greatest of tantrums my little elementary-schooled self could muster.

As I grew older, I learnt the lesson of timing. Sometimes you want something, and you get it. But it's just not the right time. In the end, things turn out worse and more heartbreaking than to have not gotten it in the first place. Sometimes you're not ready for it, and sometimes it's just not ready for you.

I thought of a guy I used to be seeing who told me things tonight that I had never expected to hear from him and had these things been said a couple of months ago, it would have changed everything. We would have still been together.

I realised, It's the same with people, the same with relationships. It's about timing and circumstance. Everything in the world may feel right, but the timing and circumstance is just all wrong. As much as you'd like to make it all work, It just doesn't because you're not ready for each other. You force it and you break it, leaving bridges burnt.

The best thing you can do is leave them in the hands of someone who can care for them and love them, and hope that time heals everything and that love is on your side. We were broken but I know time can heal this. I hope like hell she takes care of you how I would, and when it's time for us, she will know. I loved you before and I can love you again, if it's meant for us.. our paths will cross again. If it's not and our moment has passed, then this is goodbye and I wish you all the love and happiness in the world. There's always the memories, and we have lost absolutely nothing.

For now, I'm happy with who I'm with and who I love. I wish only the same for you. Smile knowing that we were special, we were something, in one moment in time.

Untouched.

While going through my little Mac-cleaning frenzy, I accidentally deleted the folder with all my desktop backgrounds. GAH! Now I have to re-do all my backgrounds, so I shall settle for a simple one for now that took.. like 3 minutes to make. Ngeh.

take this sinking boat and point it home, we've still got time. <3

*kicks self*

It's 8am and I have not gone to sleep yet. My brain is refusing to shut down even though I'm so tired I can't move. Ugh. This cannot be good for me. It's making me feel so incredibly angsty. It does not help that listening to The Veronicas' Untouched makes me want to go outside and run around.

It's unbelievably sunny here though.

Finally a good day to go tanning!

Okay. Must sleep.

Guh.

Strangers.

I don't particularly like Grey's Anatomy, only the Izzy/Karev subplot, but a friend of mine who's crazy Grey's just sent me a quote from the show. I was speaking to her about a particular situation I'm in right now, and I felt somehow that I was wearing myself thin, ramming into walls, asking questions that don't need to be answered, at least not now.

The biggest question of all, however, was:

Why am I still here? Why are we still trying?

and POOF.

A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.

I'm glad we're going to work things through, because crazy as this situation drives me, I'd rather be with you than without you. We can't possibly throw away now all the things we've worked so hard for. If this doesn't work, then I'd be wrong about you and we all know how much I hate being wrong.

Everything I Can't Have.

It's not a silly little moment,
It's not the storm before the calm.
This is the deep and dying breath of
This love that we've been working on.

Can't seem to hold you like I want to,
So I can feel you in my arms.
Nobody's gonna come and save you,
We pulled too many false alarms.

We're going down,
And you can see it too.
We're going down,
And you know that we're doomed.
My dear,
We're slow dancing in a burning room.

I was the one you always dreamed of,
You were the one I tried to draw.
How dare you say it's nothing to me?
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw.

I'll make the most of all the sadness,
You'll be a bitch because you can.
You try to hit me just to hurt me
So you leave me feeling dirty
Because you can't understand.

Go cry about it - why don't you?

My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room.

Don't you think we oughta know by now?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?
Don't you think we oughta know by now?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?
Don't you think we oughta know by now?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?

***

Please tell me that all this wasn't for nothing. Please tell me we didn't work through so much for nothing. Please tell me the tears weren't for nothing. Please tell me the heartaches weren't for nothing. Please tell me we didn't fight so hard for nothing.

Please tell me this is something.

For once in your life, speak up and tell me.

Better In Time.

Some things will never heal in time and I think it's time I understand.

Four Seasons.

"Why is it snowing in August?", the Earth asked the Sky. "What's happened with the Seasons to bring upon such unprediction?". The sky smiled and glimmered at the Earth. "My daughter, let me tell you of a tale, how do they say? Once upon a time.."

Neiva.

Neiva was the name of winter. Pecking the lips and noses of all that passed her, whispering her love for them. Though many frolicked in the white of her satin, none found comfort in her cold. Lonely was the cry of Neiva, her tears staining sidewalks, pooling into lakes of ice. For a moment few would glide on her sadness, and snowflakes fell from her laughter, she watched as they caught her joy in their mittens and tasted them on their tongues. Happiness was fleeting for Neiva, for when the night came, soon she was alone again. Never did anyone stay, though many liked the cold, no one ever loved it. Neiva was all that they knew in some parts of the world, but miserable was their existences being trapped living in such conditions.

Neiva was the name of winter, but all winter was, was a girl.

Ciro.

Ciro was the heat of summer. Bright and valiant, and loved. Adored was his arrival for what followed him meant the end of the days of ice. The cold melted in his fingertips and the ocean no longer crashed icy into the shore. In some parts of the world, the only season people knew was Ciro. Everyone welcomed him and danced in the rays of his smile. Pale bodies laid out on the earth and sand, waiting for Ciro to make them beautiful and bronzen. No one could ever get too close, no matter how much they loved the summer. For Ciro was also the Sun, and everyone knows what happens if you get too close.

Ciro was the name of summer, but all summer was, was a boy.

"Little did anyone know of the story of Neiva and Ciro. For one was the heat, and the other the cold. Opposites were they in every way, but somehow had they found each other. They met in the heavens in celebration of Luna's birthday, to which you, my dear Earth, know as the Lunar New Year." explained the Sky.

The Seasons Meet.

Neiva sat alone, most shying away from her cold. Some smiled and greeted her but would quickly walk by. She sighed and toyed with the icicles she made with her fingers, crushing them into fine shards and sprinkling them before her, watching it all disappear. Bored. Neiva was always bored.

She felt a tingle as a strong hand rested on her shoulder. She looked up and saw the adonis that was Ciro. "May I have this dance?", he said. His touch had melted away her sleeve, and water ran down her arm, but she did not care for this was the closest anyone had ever been. A concerto soon begun and they fell into a delicate minuet. His fire faltered from her touch and water trickled into his hands, but he did not care. For right now, she was the closest to him in the universe. Among the stars they danced and laughed, each making the other fade slowly away. Despite their differences, they knew they were the same. They were seasons.

"But they would have killed each other!" exclaimed the frightened Earth,

"Precisely." nodded the knowing Sky.

The Gods had sent Aspen and Anthea, the seasons of Autumn and Spring to pull them apart. Both were moderate Seasons that did not share the extremes of the other two. Angered by the interruption, Neiva had clawed Anthea across her chest, leaving traces of the cold in her flowers and Aspen, was struck across the head by Ciro, causing his head of leaves to fall burnt to the ground. It was the battle of the seasons.

"So this is why Spring is chilly, and Autumn leaves are the colour of the sun!" cried the Earth,

The Sky just smiled once again.

Neiva and Ciro ran for they had angered the Gods. Happy as they were, they were never meant to be. They ran across the days of time, hand in hand, taking each step as they came until finally, time had run out of days for them and the Gods caught up. They were banished forever to guard opposite chambers of the daughter of the Sky, never to meet, separated by Aspen and Anthea who would make sure their paths never crossed again. They would always be able to see each other, but could never touch. Centuries later, Ciro fell in love with Anthea and Neiva found her comfort in Aspen. Never though would the two seasons forget, their encounter in the heavens.

"That is why, my darling Earth, Winter is always friendlier when she sees the sunshine, and once in awhile, it snows in the Summer."

The snow in the Summer, is Neiva's message to Ciro, to tell him that she will never forget his touch, his face and his smile. And she knows, that wherever he is, he is happy, because once in awhile, she catches a glimpse of the sunshine.

***

No matter what happens to us, you're always going to be special to me.

:)

All Again For You.

"You'll never sing to me again",

Said the girl to the wind,

"Ever-changing, ever-passing,

You swept by soon as you'd begin,

You left a trail of leaves for me,

But withered all were they,

Soon as you left your mess to clean,

Was soon as you'd blow away."

The wind blew back a breeze,

To waltz with her dress's lace,

Soon as the dance was over,

A tear rolled down her face.

"You'll never dance with me again",

Said the girl to the wind,

"Ever-winding, Ever-raging,

You rushed by across the bend,

Swept away before the curtsy,

To tango with another skirt,

Who couldn't even love you as I did,

But you didn't care how much it hurt."

Now all she hears are echoes,

Of how the wind used to love,

Of the things it used to whisper,

Of the things it told her of.

"You'll never hurt me again",

Said the girl to the wind,

"Ever-cheating, ever-lying,

Deceiting harlequin,

Your columbine's a fraud,

And your actions are weak,

It was your words that loved me,

It was the things you'd speak."

In a flurry of anger she burst into flames, violent, thrashing and hungry. Stretching beyond the borders of nations in search of the wind's new columbine, never resting until every last bit of her was devoured and spit out, charred and ugly to the ground. Unknowingly the wind blew her away, and no longer did she exist. The fire simmered into ashes and from it, rose the phoenix, coloured crimson by its love, streaked gold for its loyalty and eyes black from its vengeance. Lightly it frolicked in the wind, letting its colours dance and trickle along the breeze and a new song did the wind sing, for now he will never be alone.

***

You changed your song to me because you could sing it sweeter to someone else. I wonder what you'll realise once I say to you what I'm going to.

In This Diary.

It's time you get to know your place,

You vapid, insignificant, waste of space,

Your innocence is your veneer,

But heed the words you're about to hear,

I see through the pastels and floral prints,

I saw right through your "subtle" hints,

The coy play of words and shameless flirts,

Aces hidden in your skirts,

You played your hand and reeled him in,

Gleeful of the prize you'd win,

But this is far from being over,

You've underestimated the other player.

Care to call my bluff?

Somebody Told Me.

A girl I went to high school with for a few years made a statement that if you have not gone to a private high school overseas, you are poor.

I say there's something in the water in Australia that's making people insane.

Comfortable.

I'm trying to type this with you snoring and drooling on my shoulder.

Please note:

I do not like you burping at me,

Neither do I like you farting in my bed.

And no, I will not smell your armpit.

Ew.

But you know what?

I've never been this comfortable with anyone's grossness before.

:)

Go on, feel special.

The Bitch Of Living.

Safari4 has got to be the sexiest browser I've ever used. It is sleek, and has pretty shiny things that keep me super distracted. You can browse through your history in a coverflow manner, and your top visited sites are laid out for you every time you open up a new tab. Awesome.

I'd post pictures, but I'm tired and lazy.

:)

So just go check it out at Apple!

I'm going to go into a vegetative state now and watch 90210. I refused to watch it before solely because Annalynne McCord looked seriously BLAH, but after being stuck home with nothing to do, I've been on a 90210 rampage. Whoever else watches it, I think Annie is a ho-bag. There are certain girls I know of who are just like her, pretending to be sugar-sweet and feigning innocence but would pretty much sink bend over backwards, legs-wide-open for any guy who gives them a second thought, and I think they are deserving of barb-wired poon slaps. Seriously. Ew.

***

My friends got kicked out of the club they were in because they boo-ed the DJ. Man, I wish I was there to see all that happen. Funny people, they are. Cranky person, I was.

90210, I watch.

Hell yeah.

BYE!